[olug] [OT]: Why tech support people drink so much...

[Kevin D. Snodgrass]

> Tech support:  What kind of computer do you have?
> Customer:  A white one...
> ****************************
>
> Tech support:  Click  on the 'my computer' icon on to the left 
> of the screen.
> Customer:  Your left or my left?
> ****************************
>
> Customer:  Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. 
> Every time I try, it says 'Can't find printer'.  I've even 
> lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but 
> the computer still says he can't find it..
> ****************************
>
> Tech support:  What's on your monitor now, ma'am?
> Customer:  A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at the 7-11.
> ****************************
>
> Customer:  My keyboard is not working anymore.
> Tech support:  Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
> Customer:  No. I can't get behind the computer.
> Tech support:  Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
> Customer:  OK
> Tech support:  Did the keyboard come with you?
> Customer:  Yes
> Tech support:  That means the keyboard is not plugged in.
> ****************************
>
> Customer:  I can't get on the Internet.
> Tech support:  Are you sure you used the right password?
> Customer:  Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
> Tech support:  Can you tell me what the password was?
> Customer:  Five dots.
> ****************************
>
> Tech support:  What anti-virus program do you use?
> Customer:  Netscape.
> Tech support:  That's not an anti-virus program.
> Customer:  Oh, sorry... Internet Explorer..
> ****************************
>
> Customer:  I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen 
> saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it 
> disappears.
> ****************************
>
> Tech support:  How may I help you?
> Customer:  I'm writing my first email.
> Tech support:  OK, and what seems to be the problem?
> Customer:  Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how 
> do I get the little circle around it?
> ****************************
>
> A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with 
> her printer.
> Tech support:  Are you running it under windows?
> Customer:  No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good 
> point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a 
> window, and his printer is working fine.
> ****************************
>
> Tech support:  Okay Bob, let's press the control and escape 
> keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle 
> of the screen. Now type the letter 'P' to bring up the Program 
> Manager.
> Customer:  I don't have a P.
> Tech support:  On your keyboard, Bob.
> Customer:  What do you mean?
> Tech support:  'P'.....on your keyboard, Bob.
> Customer:  I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!

 
Kevin D. Snodgrass